You Can’t Kill Chemistry

There is something about the chemistry between a man and a woman. It's either there or it's not, and when it's there, it is undeniable. You know what I'm talking about – the spark. It can come in many forms – physical, humor, spiritual, even mental. You just get one another. And, it's easy. That's one of the intoxicating things about chemistry.

My friend and I were talking the other day about this guy she's got chemistry with, I mean, all systems are a go for a relationship with these two. Fun, same likes/dislikes, same core values, etc. But, the problem is ... the guy isn't ready.

I know what you're thinking, "he's just afraid of commitment, he’ll come around." This is the default one-liner many women use to make themselves feel better after a rejection and thus, convince themselves to stick around and wait. But, the truth is, this guy really isn't ready.  

There are several reasons why he is not ready, but it doesn't really matter.

You see, even though my friend knows it's a no and even though this guy knows he's not ready, the chemistry is still there between them and that's been tough … on both of them. After they called it quits, they found themselves still texting each other every now and then for no good reason. I mean no good reason. My friend swayed between loving hearing from him and being disgusted once the text buzz wore off. You know what I'm talking about; if you're single in 2017 you get it.

Now, I could probably hear your advice for my friend from another continent. Your years of dating tell you this isn't wise, shut it down, you're worth more than a text thread every other week, etc. But, for those of you who are years deep into a relationship, I'm going to remind you of one of the reasons we singles do this to ourselves. 

People, it's called chemistry. And, this is going to set some of you singles free, it is okay it's still there.

I remember, several years ago, being in the same dilemma with a guy that my friend is in currently.  Every few weeks the chemistry train would roll through and leave me wondering - what the heck is going on Lord?! This feels like torture! I heard Your no. He heard Your no. We get it, Lord!  So, why in the world is this so hard?!  

Then, a friend about 10 years further down the road in experience said to me, "Tiff, I think this thing with you and so and so will always be there until one of you gets married. You'll just always be that person in each other's lives. You have chemistry."

Ahh, there it is.

For so many people, after a breakup or even a short dating spell, there is this issue of lingering chemistry.  We overthink it. Overspiritualize it. Blame it on soul ties. Blame it on bad timing. Ask God to take it away.  Beat ourselves up for having it.  Maybe, even waiver on our decision to end it.  Then, the shame train comes and tries to steamroll over us for cycling through some or all of the above and we get stuck.

The point I'm trying to make is, chemistry is not sin. Your feelings are not sin.  So, don't let lingering chemistry keep you in an expired storyline.  And, for those of you who feel stuck, here comes the hard pill you may have to swallow if you want to get free and move forward with your life (key word: want).  Sometimes, you can't kill chemistry. You just have to choose to move on despite it.